Friday, May 25, 2007

My Theory, If I Were a Scientist

This weekend is our annual rummage sale at Lakebay, so the church fellowship hall is a mess. Full of all sorts of . . . stuff. All waiting to be picked up by bargain hunters tomorrow morning. It's been fun experiencing all the activity around here this week - the constant stream of people dropping stuff off, the workers here to sort and price. I've sat in my office and listened to all the conversations of people working together to set this thing up.

But it's got me thinking about a new scientific theory I might develop. I'm going to call it the Endless Stuff Cycle, or the ESC for short. The ESC postulates that there is an endless chain of Stuff circling around our little planet, jumping from place to place by way of garage sales, rummage sales, thrift stores, and unwanted Christmas presents.

One possible example (there are many) would be this: Item is purchased at Wal-Mart by Person A, who gives it to Person B as a present. Person B pretends to like it, but then puts in in the basement for about 6 months, until they decide to take all such items and sell them in their driveway as a garage sale. Person C sees Item and says "this is just what I've been needing! And it's such a bargain!" They purchase Item, take it home, and promptly forget about it. Person C's spouse takes Item to the local church for their rummage sale. Person D sees Item on the church table and says "my best friend at work could certainly use this! And it's such a bargain!" They purchase and hand deliver Item to to Person E, who says "Oh, you shouldn't have!" Person E uses item in their next White Elephant Gift Exchange, where Person F "wins" the item. Person F quickly donates Item to the Goodwill. . .and on and on it goes.

Of course, the diabolical thing is that, while all such items are swirling around the Endless Vortex, manufacturers are perpetually dumping more and more Items into the system, using Wal-Mart and the Home Shopping Network as their conduits. Thus, the ESC is becoming more and more crowded, and will one day hit critical mass, at which point all heck will break loose upon the earth. Economies will shatter, landfills will supernova, our storage units and garages will refuse to accept one more Item.

Anyway, it's still just a theory at this point. I haven't done the research to prove it yet. But it works for me, so it's the truth I'm going to work with.

By the way, if you want any stuff, we've got a lot here at the church for you to peruse over the weekend.

1 comment:

Lindsmartsen said...

So true and funny(and actually sad). I have actually thought about that same thing quite a bit. You may have beat the physicists to the Theory of Everything.