Sunday, June 22, 2008

How to Teach Your Kids to Not Be Stupid

Hello, and welcome to this edition of, "How to Teach Your Kids to Not Be Stupid."

One method of teaching your kids to Not Be Stupid is to commit a stupid act in front of them, allowing them to see you face the consequences of behaving stupidly.

Take, for instance, a man and his daughter, out cleaning the yard one warm summer afternoon. Note how the man finds a piece of wood that has fallen into the bushes - how he collects this wood and takes it to his woodpile.

Pay attention as the man decides to chop up the wood before adding it to the pile. Note how the man considers replacing his sandals with his boots, but decides "It's only one log, and my boots are too much trouble to put on."

Watch as the man deftly wields his ax, swinging it high into the air and swiftly down upon the wood. Witness the easy way in which the firewood splits. Watch one half fall harmlessly to the ground.

Now watch as the other half flies into the air, end over end, arching up and over. Pay careful attention as the heavy chunk of wood lands sharply on the uncovered foot of the man.

And now, the lesson is taught, for notice the wide-eyed look of horror on the daughter's face as she watches her father hop up and down, groaning in agony, falling over on the rockery, clutching his foot in misery. Note how she solemnly follows her father as he hops one-legged into the house, see her revulsion as she first glimpses the purple swelling, the blood oozing out upon her father's foot. Yes, she has learned her lesson well. She has learned it is stupid to chop firewood in Tevas, and she will probably never attempt such a feat in her life.

The father has paid a horrible price, but he has certainly taught his daughter "How not to be stupid."

Tune in next week for a new edition of "How to teach your kids not to cuss and swear, even when enduring great pain."

2 comments:

Matt said...

At least you didn't do what the shop teacher trying to show his students how not to use a jointer did: he cut off his thumb.
But learn the lesson from the stupid shop teacher: later, with a different group of students, he was again trying to demonstrate how not to use a jointer. And cut off his other thumb.
Hope you heal quickly!

Lori said...

See how the man refuses to go to the doctor and the foot worsens.

Dan, your a big boy, you can do it...go to the doctor.

By the way, your not as stupid as I. I tripped over a lego in 1999 and broke my ankle so bad I had to have major surgery and months of painful physical therapy before I recovered. I still have limited motion and all the hardware in my ankle sets off metal detectors once in awhile. As the great theologian Forest Gump once said, "Stupid is as stupid does." or something like that.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery.