Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Conversation Overheard in the Locker Room

Hey, Steve*, right?

Yeah - John, right?

Hey, yeah. How's it goin'?

&*$%$ okay. How 'bout you?

I'm doin' %#$#$ alright. What you up to?

Nothin' %#$#$ much. Just workin' out.

You like it here?

It's
%#$#$ okay. Better than that other %#$#$ place.

Yeah. You still dating that one girl?

%#$#$ no. She was %#$#$ up so we broke up.

%#$#$ man, that's %#$#$ up.

Yeah, but now I'm checking out this other
%#$#$ girl.

%#$#$ yeah?

%#$#$ yeah. Met her at this %#$#$ party with all these friends? So we been hangin' out.

That's %#$#$ cool.

Not %#$#$ bad. So what you doin' these days?

Nothin'
%#$#$ much. Just got a %#$#$ house with my girl.

That's pretty %#$#$ awesome.

Yeah, now we can just
%#$#$ hang out and do %#$#$.

Cool. We should %#$#$ hang some time.

%#$#$ yeah.

You need to get me your %#$#$ number and we can do some %#$#$ this weekend.

Sure.

You work out here a lot?

Most %#$#$ days. How long you been a member?

%#$#$, I'm not! (har har har har har).

%#$#$ yeah? You figured it out?

%#$#$ yeah. I just walk in with a %#$#$ group and they assume I'm with %#$#$ them.

Chortle chortle. %#$#$ cool.

Okay, well, we'll %#$#$ see you around.

%#$#$yeah. Maybe this weekend.

%#$#$
______
And a couple thoughts run through my head:
1) how painful must it be to have a 10 minute conversation and not really say anything at all?
2) Do people in locker rooms somehow forget that everybody else in the locker room can hear them? Or do they just not care?
3) What I've just witnessed is the human equivalent to those nature videos, in which the male bull elks attempt to prove their virility over the others through posturing and faux-feats of strength. Nothing is actually accomplished, except that these two men proved one to the other that they are real men because a)they like women and b)they can cuss a lot.
4) Which makes me wonder - am I lacking in manhood because I don't strut around and cuss a lot?
5) Is there a record for most cuss words in a 10-minute conversation? Because I think these guys broke it.

______
*names in this story have been changed in order to protect the, ahem, innocent.

2 comments:

GigHarborUndressed said...

I think they want to be heard. When I'm an outsider to those types of exchanges, I'm amazed at how many quick glances around the participants give, just to see who's listening.
In my industry, the cussing is replaced by drinking. If you're not drunk at every function you ever attend, there's something wrong. The more drunk, the more prestige.
I don't cuss or drink, so I'm pretty lame in my circles!

Gracie said...

A friend of mine once said that we blatantly reveal our lack of creativity and imagination when we use swear words/cussing as our descriptors. (That being said, I used cuss words in my latest post so that may appear quite hypocritical.) However, what you describe, sadly, is not an exception. Some language is like an assault, yet there is no "non-swearing" section to retreat to.

Definitely don't change, Dan. I suspect you could wear pink and still be manly!