When Youth Pastors Grow Up (?)

About 10 years ago, there was a youth pastor holed up in his office, trying to think of a creative way to get kids in the door so he could tell them about Jesus. This was a significant part of his job. Yes, actually telling kids about Jesus was important, but getting them in the door occupied most of his energy. Kids were busy with school and family and Halo, kids weren't interested in church, and the kids who were interested were mostly heading to the bigger church down the street, the church with the bigger budget and the cooler toys. So our youth pastor friend here was desperate to come up with a new way to get kids into the door of his church.

On good days, most youth pastors would say their primary goal in life was to introduce kids to the gospel of Jesus Christ, and then to train them as followers of Christ. On more honest days, however. . .the unspoken truth was that their unspoken goal was just to get kids in the door. Yes, before you can tell kids about Jesus you need to meet them, so getting them in the door was a good goal. But in reality, one of the only measures of success that could be gauged was "how many kids are sitting in the seats?" Church members would look at the budget every year, and compare it to "how many kids are sitting in the seats?" Youth pastors would read books and go to conferences and the not-so-subtle message they heard was "effective youth ministries have lots of kids sitting in the seats." All the youth pastors in town would gather for lunch, and everybody knew who the superstars were, who the really important youth pastors were - the ones who had the most kids sitting in the seats. In fact, the really really important youth pastors didn't even come to the meetings, because they were so busy taking care of all those kids that were sitting in those seats.

And of course, they all knew that the way to get kids into those seats was to offer something really cool. Really radical. Really awesome. Really gross. Really relevant. Like a series called "Jesus and Sex and Dating." Or, more often, an event that was just awesome and super and gross. Like when the church across town held the Nickelodeon-style Slime Night, at which the youth pastor and his staff and some of the cool kids all got slimed, and it was gross and awesome and amazing, and all the kids in town were talking about how cool it was when the youth intern (the new hip one) had gotten slimed.

So our youth pastor, the one in our story, had to come up with something even more cool and gross and awesome than slime night. He didn't want to admit it, but he was in competition with all those other churches, so he had to out-cool, out-awesome, out-gross those others. He needed something more super-awesome than Slime Night.

So he sat there, with a couple of his volunteers, and the racked their brains, until an idea popped into his head.

"I know. . .let's have a toilet bowl night! That will be super-gross and funny. We can have toilet-themed games! Like, we could fill a (clean) toilet with Mountain Dew, and throw in some Tootsie Rolls, and make the kids get them out with their mouths - like bobbing for apples, only in a toilet!"

(note: this is an actual youth group event that has been tried in many youth ministries across America. I'm not making it up.)

And then his intern said "Yeah! We could even throw in some mustard, so it looks like diarrhea!" And they all laughed at that one for a good 5 minutes.

They spent the next hour coming up with slogans and toilet bowl relay races and toilet-paper games. The creative arts girl went to work putting together the graphic arts for the flyers. And they all went home that day, stoked at their creativity that was sure to bring in a big crowd to sit in those seats.

Now, the thing is, sometimes in youth ministry, this isn't all bad. Kids like gross and different and fun; they might invite their friends to toilet night, and they'd certainly talk about it for years to come. A steady diet of gross-out super radical youth ministry can be dangerous, but the occasional goofy game night can be a welcome moment of frivolity for stressed-out kids.

What I always wondered, though, was what would happen when all these youth pastors, whose primary giftings seemed to lie in creative ways to fill the seats, grew up and became senior pastors or church planters. There has often been, unfortunately, a correlation between a youth pastor's immaturity and their success, at least insofar as getting kids to sit in those seats. So what happens when that mentality of "immaturity + gross-out factor = more people in the seats" moves upward into the senior leadership in the church?

That question is now being answered. A few years ago a church in a Seattle suburb held a large promotional event, offering free tattoos during their morning worship service. This year's example was a church in South Carolina that mailed out thousands of mass-mail invitations to Easter worship; on the cover was a photograph of a dead rabbit on the road, obvious road-kill, surrounded by plastic Easter eggs.

Setting aside the fact that mass-mail invitations have been proven to be absolutely worthless in attracting people to church, these were sent out with the direct purpose of offending people. According to their pastor, "Are we willing to offend some to get the attention of other folks who have no regard for Jesus, the church, the gospel or Easter?  That's a risk a we're always willing to take."

Listen, the gospel is offensive enough without us adding layers and layers of trumped-up offense. As the Rev. Don Robinson once said, "If we're going to offend people, let's make sure they're offended for the right reasons." Proclaiming the lordship of Jesus? Okay. Mailing out postcards with dead bunnies to unsuspecting families? Not so much.

By the way, that whole 'competing with the church across town' idea was certainly at play here. Because another church in the same town set this sign up to attract people:

If there was one thing lacking in many of the youth pastors I used to know, it was the filter that said "Just because it gets people's attention, it's not necessarily a good idea." And the subsidiary filter that said "Just because it's my idea, it's not necessarily a good idea."

Unfortunately, it seems that, just because these youth pastors grew up and became senior pastors and church planters, they didn't leave behind the "be super-shocking and amazing to get people in the seats" mentality.

Not to rant about this too long. . .but just imagine for a moment you're a frazzled single mom, barely making it through a long day of getting kids up and out the door to school, heading off to work, picking up the kids from day care, running them to soccer practice, heading home for dinner, and then little Susie picks up the mail and finds this picture of a dead rabbit. Exactly what part of that makes you say "Oh yes, I want to go to that church! That looks like a place where I'll find the love, mercy, grace, hope, and friendship I so desperately need! That looks like a place of hope and grace!" Really. . .what non-church attender is going to come to your church because of this? The only people you're really going to attract is people who are already attending other churches, but getting a little bored with the same-old same-old. So you're not spreading the gospel, you're really just stealing sheep with the help of cheap marketing tactics.

And that's not how you build a healthy church.

Addendum 1: Over the last few years I've hung out with many youth pastors who seem to be doing much better at the disciple-making thing, avoiding much of the gimmick-based ministry of earlier days. So don't read this as any kind of judgment against today's youth ministers. The ones I know are pretty cool people.

Addendum 2: I just noticed that Eugene Cho posted a blog about this same subject a few days ago. As usual, he says it a lot better than I did.  

I met Gary Coleman once

Well, sort of. More like we were in the same location for half an hour.

I was leadinga day-long youth group bike trip, riding from Long Beach down to Seal Beach and back. At the midway point we stopped at a shopping center that had a video arcade (remember those places?). Some of the kids went inside while I waited outside to flag down a few lollygaggers who had fallen behind.

Into the parking lot pulled a Hummer. One of the originals. This is around 1994, so this is back before Hummers became suburbanized. The Hummer parks in the middle of the lot. Not in a parking spot, but right in the middle of the driveway. Right behind two cars, blocking them in.The door pops open. And out jumps Gary Coleman. (Stop there for a minute, and just picture Gary Coleman jumping out of a full-size Hummer.) He walked into the arcade, which, it turned out, he owned.

He went into the office, then came out and sat at a table, in the middle of the room, to look over some paperwork. A few people approached him, but he blew them off. He seemed to be enjoying 'being seen' by the lowly people, but he couldn't be bothered to actually interact with them.

Of course, we had Todd in our group, and he wasn't one to give up easily. This is the same Todd who showed up Weird Al and Bob Saget. So Todd walked up to Gary and asked, with enthusiasm, "Hey, do you know who you are?" He was relentless, prodding and pleading with Gary to say it. His one line. "What you talkin' bout, Willis?" But no, Gary wouldn't budge. He just pretended to concentrate all the harder on his paperwork, looking annoyed.

I should mention that, about this time, the owners of those cars in the lot were trying to leave, but couldn't, because of the large Hummer planted directly behind them. But who's to rush Gary Coleman? Who's to speak ill of Gary Coleman and his ginormous 'car'?

After 20 minutes or so, either Gary was finished or he was tired of Todd, because he said goodbye to a couple employees and left. Stop for just a minute, and picture Gary Coleman hopping up into a Hummer. Yup. Took a couple more minutes to get situated, and then drove away.

And life went on as normal, and we all had a good story to share at the next youth group meeting.

Book Review: Think Orange

Reggie Joiner is rightfully concerned that the Church, in general, isn't doing a very good job at family ministry. At youth ministry. At children's ministy. He's also rightfully concerned that families are struggling like never before, and that, in that struggle, our society is facing turmoil and upheaval at its core. Think Orange, the book and the philosophy, is his response, a challenge to the church to partner with the family in order to raise up generations who know what it is to walk "in the way," and in order to strengthen families in the here and now.

Joiner's primary image is this: The church is called to shine the Light of Christ in the world, illuminating the work of Christ and drawing people to Christ. (Hint: Light is represented by yellow). Families are the heart and soul of society, families are the primary location people learn of love, acceptance, sacrifice, and relationships. (Hint: Love is represented by red (think Valentine's Day)). When you mix red and yellow you get -what? Orange!

This is the heart of Think Orange - mixing red and yellow. The problem, according to Joiner, is that families are struggling to survive, parents are struggling to raise their children, young people are leaving the Church for the world in droves. . .and the Church is over in the corner, running programs that seem to have no effect in helping any of these problems. The Church, it seems, has developed a host of programs and ministries that help the individual groups: children, youth, and adult, but none of these maintain any synchronicity with a larger plan. The childrens' ministry does its thing, youth ministries do their thing, and adults go their way to study the theology of the minor prophets. Then families go home and struggle to make sense of it all in a confused and confusing world. As Joiner laments, "Most churches are characterized by random acts of ministry to the family." Parents have no idea how to impact the spiritual life of their children. Children don't know how to navigate the multiple messages that bombard them day in and out. Youth have no clue how all this 'church stuff' impacts their larger life.

The answer, says Joiner, is for the church and family to combine forces. "What we should really be concerned about is our collective ability to influence a generation to have a stronger, deeper, and more authentic relationship with God." All of this he summarizes with two important points:

1. Kids need parents who will help them advance in their relationship with God.
2. Parents need churches that will help them know how to be spiritual leaders.

Think Orange is not, then, another book on catchy childrens' ministry. It is, instead, a complete reworking of the junction where churches and families come together to disciple, raise, cherish, teach, and lead children and youth in their pursuit of Christ.

A couple of strengths of this book:
1) One of the earlier chapters lays out an impressive theology of family, something sorely lacking in the overall discussion.
2) The book is biblical - while it includes cultural references and sociological research, the ideas and plans are all soundly based within a biblical framework of ministry.
3) The book has lots of pictures and charts.
4) The book recognizes the reality that no family or church is perfect, that setting impossible standards only frustrates people; it is realistic in the goals it sets out, while still setting a high bar in pushing us toward excellence.
5) The book is a great place to even start the discussion. I bought a couple extra copies for a few people in our church, and hope this stimulates us toward new growth and a stronger overall sense of mission.
6) The book comes with a host of resources, and is backed up by Joiner's Orange Leaders website.
7) If anything, the book will challenge and stimulate your own thinking regarding how you go about your family ministry, the assumptions behind it, and why it may or may not be working very well.

A couple things about which I wasn't quite so impressed:
1) Honestly, at times the whole "orange" metaphor seemed a little stretched. By the time the metaphor was presented, I could have done without the multiple examples of Orange showing up in society. Perhaps, to this reader, it came too close to "cutesy" at that point. So what if somebody sells an orange amp? It doesn't seem to matter to the rest of the book.
2) There were other times when it seemed Joiner was writing primarily to large churches with multiple staff and large creativity budgets. The idea of regularly re-painting your children's area to go with that quarter's theme seems fun and exciting, but how many churches have the people and the finances to do that? Of course, the response would be that we all need to read with discerning ears and take away what we can, but I would have enjoyed some examples of how small churches with small budgets and small, over-committed volunteer staffs can bring these ideas to fruition.

Overall, I am glad somebody sent me a copy of Think Orange. I confess I probably wouldn't have picked it up myself, and I wasn't all that eager to dig into it, but once I did (mostly on a flight to Denver last November), I found myself drawn in, challenged, and encouraged by the vision it contains. As I said, I'm hoping it influences the vision and work of our church; I think it would be of value to any and all who are concerned about families and those who minister with and to them.

Old Times

For those of you who didn't see this over on my facebook page. Kim, our dear friend who so recently passed, gets some significant play in the middle.

A Question of Testimony

I grew up in the church. Went to youth group, went to camp, went to youth rallies. Then went to Christian schools, went to a lot of chapels. Then went into youth ministry, where I took a lot of youth to all those camps and all those youth rallies.

Many of those events featured a "testimony." A youngish woman or man (come to think about it, 9 out of 10 times it was a man) would get up and share the story of how they came to faith in Christ Jesus.

Inevitably, the story went like this:

Said person grew up in a (good/bad) home, and (in spite of/because of) that they entered into a time of rebellion. Sex, drugs, alcohol, partying, hot women, wild and crazy nights. . .that all gave way to feelings of loneliness and desperation. At some point, they were confronted with the claims of Jesus, they turned their life over to God, things were straightened out, and now they are living faithful lives telling others to live for Jesus. If you hear an echo of the Prodigal Son story, that was usually pretty intentional.

Over time, I began to realize there was a subtle, unintended subtext going on below that message; namely, this: go ahead and party now, have lots of sex, drink and do drugs for now, and then when you're 25 you can turn back to Jesus and he'll make everything better.

Here's the problem. That original testimony works if it's being told to people who are down there at the bottom, people who are desperate, in the mud with the pigs, looking for a way out. But when you're telling the same story to a bunch of relatively good teenagers/college students who are facing all sorts of peer pressure to jump into the partying/drug/casual sex scene, you've essentially told them: Look - here's somebody who chose not to seek righteousness, and in the end it turned out okay for them! Following their example, you get all the fun of the sin, and redemption if things turn out less-than-stellar.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that was the intent of the testimony-teller. And I'm sure the testimony-teller would say they regret all the bad choices they made, the memories and scars they live with, that going down those roads just wasn't worth it.

But that's not the story most often told. Instead, it's "I got to do all the sins, and God made everything ok!"

Never, in all those years, did I hear even one testimony that went "I got married last year, and I was still a virgin on our wedding night." Never did I hear "I chose to stay home when my friends went out and got drunk, I sacrificed any hope at being cool because I didn't sleep around, I didn't go out to the keggers. I've never been drunk, never done drugs. . .it wasn't easy, and it took the help of a lot of people around me, but I have spent my whole life pursuing right living, and I can say to you, it's been worth it!"

Let me ask: which do teens who are struggling to make right choices need to hear more: a whole litany of people who chose wrongly, who behaved immorally, messed up and then received forgiveness, or the stories of people who actually did survive their teenage years and young adulthood, who chose not to sleep around, who made it to their wedding night with their virginity intact (and didn't die along the way), who avoided the pitfalls of excessive drinking, and of drug use?

Okay, it's a false question. They need both. The church needs both. I get that. And I get the push back - if we focus on getting it right, that can lead to empty legalism. If we always hear of the people who are "good," that can be shameful to those who have chosen the way of rebellion and sin. The focus is on God's grace, not our own righteousness. I get that.

But I would say we've gone too far. We've sold out to the sensationalism of the "powerful story of God's grace to reform the worst of sinners," and we've done our youth a huge disservice along the way by silencing the voices that would say "you know what? You can actually do this. You can say no to sex. You can say no to drugs. You can choose to not cheat on those tests. You can be a "good" kid, and have a lot of fun along the way. Look - look at all these people who did live their lives seeking holiness, accountability, righteousness. Listen to the saints saying "we chose obedience, and it's been the best choice we could have made."

Bring me my cane, you whipper-snappers!

This fall, the wife is leading a Wednesday night Bible Study for Middle School girls. They have about nine girls taking part.

This morning I noticed a registration form for one of the girls in the group. It was lying on the counter, next to where I was grinding up my coffee beans in a vain attempt to kick-start some energy in this body. I was drawn to the birthdate.

This girl - this Middle School girl, this intelligent young lady who's coming and partaking in this Bible Study on the book of Acts, this girl on the cusp of growing into a young woman - was born in 1996.

1996!!!!!!!!!

Which means she has no memory at all of the 1990s. Of anything before, say 9/11? In fact, she was only 5 when that event happened.

And now she's in Middle School?

1996?????

She probably doesn't even remember when the Spice Girls were all the rage.

I feel so ancient, all of a sudden.

Can I just say I'm hating the word "relevance"?

It happened about five years ago or so. It was Sunday night, time for youth group. The band was warmed up and ready to play. Kids were outside throwing frisbees, or playing volleyball. I called the group together - and noticed, when they gathered, that there was a large chunk of kids missing.

"Hey - where is everybody?" I asked.

"They are all over at [somebody's] house. They were playing video games when I left."

And so I first learned about the addiction that is Halo. For the next few months I couldn't get these kids to anything. They were always at home, always playing Halo. "Well, we were going to come, but then we just got so into the game that we couldn't get away."

For the record - I've only played Halo - the original - twice.

Now Halo 3 is out, and youth groups across the nation are using it as an outreach tool. "Come to Youth Group! Play Halo! Smoke the Youth Pastor!"

And others are taking notice.

There's one article here, from the Christian Post.

This is perhaps the most, ahem, enlightening part of the article:

Youth ministries specialist Lane Palmer of the ministry Dare 2 Share says the game speaks to the very real spiritual war going on today.

"According to the Bible, after Satan was dishonorably discharged from his duties in heaven, he took a mighty army of fallen angels with him and declared war on the objects of God’s grace and love: human beings – and especially those who are in the Lord’s army as Christians," wrote Palmer in column.

"Make no mistake, the dark forces of the spiritual world have marked you for destruction, and no amount of quick moves, strategy, or teamwork will win this fight," he added.

Dare 2 Share encourages youth to use Halo 3 as conversation starters to witness to their friends.

Or maybe this:

"Teens are our fish," Gregg Barbour, youth minister of Colorado Community Church in the Englewood area of Denver, told the Times. "So we’ve become creative in baiting our hooks."

Earlier this week, Ben Witherington blogged about the craze (note that he links to another article on the subject, from the NY Times). At the heart of his post is this thought:

Let's start with the fact that the maker of this game has quite specifically told everyone it is for adults, and has adult content. Imagine if you will using the tactic of show skin flicks to attract young men, or offering beer blasts in the church back yard. Doubtless you would attract a crowd, but would you have just vitiated your whole credibility as conveyors of the Good News of Christ in the process? The answer is yes.

If you read the article closely what you notice is the 'ends justifies the means' kind of arguments by the youth ministers in question. But frankly if the means are unethical, and indeed contradict the ends you are trying to achieve, aren't you guilty of using unethical tactics to attract people to Christ? Aren't you sending an enormously mixed message to youth--- "come to church, and after you've blown the brains out of the enemies, we will tell you about the Prince of Peace and how God so loved the world (even the enemies)!"

I'm sorry but this whole sorry approach to youth ministry smacks of absolute desperation and fear-- fear that if we are not relevant, we cannot attract a crowd. Is this really what Jesus would do? I don't think so.

And, of course, the debate now rages. Should youth ministries use things like violent video games to attract kids? Should they use Halo as an evangelistic tool? Should they use violent video games to create "community?" Those who say "no" are seen as boring, irrelevant fuddy-duddies who no longer get kids. Those who say "yes" are seen as shallow, irreverent, foxes in the henhouse.

Here's how I see the problem, however:
1) The reality is, many teenagers are a little like mindless zombies, programmed by Hollywood to think that life is boring. "There's nothing to do in this town." And the only antidote to that boring-ness is shopping at the mall, smoking weed, watching the O.C., or playing video games. In addition, anything that is wholesome or healthy is also extremely "uncool." And "uncool" is the kiss of death. Offer many teens a "wholesome" activity - say, throwing a frisbee, playing Uno, taking up a musical instrument. . .and they look at you like you're an ancient uncool person from another epoch. Which puts youth ministries in a bind - the very answers that Hollywood has given to the pre-programmed state of zombie-ness are all antithetical to the Gospel. Offer kids the choice of Violent Video games or a Bible study on Romans, and you know which they'll choose. There truly is an insidious scheme at play, driving a wedge between teens and the Truth of the Gospel, and youth ministries are having a hard time finding ways to bridge that gap.

2) On the other hand. . .is Christ enough? Is the Joy of the Lord attractive? Is a place where people will love and accept you not the kind of place most teenagers would want to be? The problem is, nobody seems willing to try it. There's this huge pressure on youth ministries to get the kids in, to grow the group, to keep them interested and excited. And Halo is a quick and easy answer. And all the books, all the conferences, all the seminars tell you to be Hip and Relevant and Exciting. Almost none of them tell you to let all that slide, and instead create a community of kids who love each other, who love the Lord, and who love their neighbor. Everybody assumes the Relevant model, the model that uses Halo, is the best youth group model, just because so many youth groups are doing it. And hardly anybody is saying "hey - this isn't working! Maybe we need to try something else!"

Picture these two scenerios:
a) Billy comes home and says "mom - that youth group's the bomb! It's swell! We played Halo all night. I kicked the youth pastors A^%!
b) Billy comes home and says "It was kind of boring. They sang these songs, and then prayed, and then talked about Jesus." But he goes up to his room and realizes that nobody laughed at him, nobody picked on him; in fact, he got the idea that they genuinely liked him.

I don't know, maybe #1 will attract a bigger crowd. But when Billy gets kicked in the face by his parent's divorce, by the rejection of his crush, by not getting into the college of his choice, by not making the varsity baseball team. . .which will he need more?

And, as Billy heads off to college and life, which will cause him to decide to stick with Church - to go find a new one in his community? Memories of video games? Or remembering what it's like to be loved, to be a part of a group that is truly living out the Kingdom of God?